Episode 49: Protecting Your Dreams
“When setting out on a journey do not seek advice from someone who never left home.”
Rumi
I want to dive deeper into something I’ve touched on in more than one episode, and that is how friends, family, and others can poison our dreams if we let them. But not to be mean. They do it out of a fear and lack of self belief that is inside them and they are just trying to protect us, but that doesn’t make it any less toxic.
Like most kids, I had many big dreams for my life of what I wanted to do, have, and me. As I began vocalizing some of those my mom and others in my life let me know why I shouldn’t even try. Teachers, professors, and even my mom regularly did this. When my earliest dream of being an astronaut was squashed in grade school the planner in my dialed in on a more practical plan for adventure. One day in grade school, I was at a buddy’s house and he asked me what I was going to be when I grew up. I proudly, and for the first time, said out loud that I had decided to be a truck driver so I could get paid to drive all over the country and see everything! My friend laughed in my face and told me that was ridiculous and parroted what his parents had told him about the necessity of college. (The allergy Americans have for the trades is ridiculous and harmful to us individually and collectively. That’s very much a topic for the future)
As I got older and entered college my only dream was to learn how to make enough money to be free. I studied finance, got out of school, put my head down and worked, worked, worked. As I explained in AfterLIFE, I did all the things one was “supposed to” in the fulfillment of The American Dream. No one questioned or doubted me any more once I started working, buying things on credit, sending my money off to the banks, spending my free time taking care of those things, and trying to be the best dad I could be. I was obnoxiously busy doing what everyone else was doing, but not what I wanted to do. I was a quiet, hard working cog in the machine.
I was a quiet, hard working cog in the machine.
Then, as I explained in my book, I went through a crisis that gave me a moment to look at my life. To rebuild it in a way that I wanted. Over the past decade I deconstructed my old life and bit, by bit rebuilt it. I got rid of things I no longer wanted to have, pay for, and take care of. I used my free time to understand ME. And in the process gained great clarity and freedom.
Every step along the way the doubters came back to question me. How do you have time for that? What’s the deal with your beard? Why are you acting now? Do you think you’re going to be a professional or something? What’s the deal with you making furniture? (followed by unsolicited feedback on how they would do it if they every chose to build something) Why are you learning Italian? (followed by why Spanish or some other language would have been a better choice) Why are you leaving your career? You’re too young to do that! And on and on and on.
A few BIG take aways from this:
1) After experiencing this as a kid then carrying around those doubting voices in my head for 30 year I learned that the fear and negativity others were directing at me came from their own fears for themselves. They were projecting the shadow and voices of everyone and everything that had killed their dreams out onto me…because I dared to say YES to my own dreams. How dare I! :)
2) After realizing this, I became guarded with whom I shared my dreams until I was full steam ahead into a decision or action.
3) As I moved in the direction of my dreams, I began attracting and stumbling across people, circumstances, and opportunities that aligned with my new direction. Each yes lead me to new circumstances and circles of people. Some people from my old life were absolutely supportive, cheered me on, and have stayed with me…others have faded away because they didn’t understand. AND, the new people I’ve met never knew the old Carlo. They didn’t have expectations. When I told them I made furniture or was learning Italian they just said “cool” and accepted that’s what this dude does!
I explained this all in much more detail in my book, but it’s something I wanted to circle back to because it’s something I experience personally now and they and it’s something others have voiced to me. That someone in their lives that they love and respect is being negative in an attempt to help them. If your circle cannot see your vision, step outside of it.
If your circle cannot see your vision, step outside of it.
Get a coach, find a mentor, maybe go to therapy to see why you want or need the approval of others or if you are accepting the warnings because deep down you are really scared or have self doubt.
All of that is normal and something I experience and am still working on. My dream and vision keeps evolving and many people don’t understand it…and that is totally ok and none of my business.
This year is rapidly ending and now is a great time to circle back to YOUR dreams.
Get a notebook or journey and dedicate it to your life. Your dreams. Keep it with you and write down everything that comes to mind. What keeps rising to your consciousness that thrills you! Is it a place? A new skill? Reaching out to someone? Write it down. Make a plan. Take actions towards those things every day. Each thing you say yes to will open up possibilities, experiences and connections you can’t see now. Life is short.
Say yes to your dreams and enjoy your journey!